you’re allowed to like the way you look. you’re allowed to think that you’re pretty. you’re allowed to like the way you do things. you’re allowed to like your quirks.you’re allowed to do what you want to do. you’re allowed to like your music taste. you’re allowed to like a certain movie. you’re allowed to like your clothing taste. you’re allowed to be yourself. you’re allowed to love yourself. it’s ok. you’re beautiful and don’t let anyone tell you wrong.
Talking bout my American generational spirit.
Apple download - https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/aspire-news/id733163167?mt=8
Android download - https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.collectiveray.aspire
all things considered, what we look for in other people is perhaps the same gentle deterritorialization we look for in travel.
the temptation of exile in the desire of another and of journey across that desire come to be substituted for one’s own desire and for discovery.
—Bela Lugosi's Dead
strewn with time’s dead flowers,
bereft in deathly bloom.
when I was 15 visiting Seattle with my family I found a rune pendant in the Pike Street Market that I felt a strange affinity with. the symbol here, and on that necklace that I lost long ago is berkana: a symbol of the goddess & the birch tree, of spring & fertility, of the feminine power to give life & new beginnings. the past few weeks have been really painful & really exploratory. I’m glad that I left a physical mark on my body so I won’t be able to forget this pain in the long-run, although I know I will heal from it.
RE: “10 Ways to Show Love to Someone With Depression”
Do You Love Someone With Depression?
If you have a partner or are close to someone who struggles with depression, you may not always know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they are sad, distant and may push you away. It is important that you know that as a person who is close to them and trusted by them, you can help your friend or partner have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness (it is physical actually, read more about that here) and your partner needs you as much as they would need to be cared for if they had the flu.
Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping your partner through a very difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.
1. Help them keep clutter at bay.
When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they are slowing down while the world around them speeds up. The mail may end up in stacks, dishes can pile up in the sink, laundry may go undone as the depressed person begins to feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine and unable to keep up. By giving your partner some extra help sorting mail, washing dishes or using paper plates and keeping chaos in check in general, you’ll be giving them (and yourself) the gift of a calm environment. (I’m a fan of the minimalist movement because of this, you can read more about that here.)
2. Fix them a healthy meal.
Your partner may do one of two things when they are in a depressed state. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that driving through a fast food restaurant or ordering a pizza online is just easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this, or neglecting to eat will only degrade your partner’s health, causing them to go deeper into their depression. Help your loved one keep their body healthy, and their mind will follow. This is a great article that talks about the “Brain Diet” which can help the symptoms of depression, and this article talks about how our modern diet could contribute to the recent rise in depression. Here is a recipe for a trail mix that is quick to make and has mood-boosting properties.
3.Get them outside.
The benefits of getting outside for a depressed person are huge. And it is possibly the last thing on earth your partner will want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun, take a leisurely hike or plant a garden. Being barefoot in the dirt, or “earthing” helps ground the body and reverse the effects of living in a world of emf’s, and digging in soil can actually act as an antidepressant, as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Sunshine increases Vitamin D production which can help alleviate depression. My friend Elizabeth wrote an excellent post about Vitamin D and its link to depression here. For more information about other sources of Vitamin D, this is a great post as well as this.
4. Ask them to help you understand what they’re feeling.
If your partner is able to articulate what they are going through, it will help them and you better understand what you are dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action for helping your partner. Also, feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats that feeling will help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.
5. Encourage them to focus on self-care.
Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor or dentist, it’s all just too hard, and they don’t deserve to be well taken care of anyway in their minds. This can snowball quickly into greater feelings of worthlessness since “Now I’m such a mess, no one could ever love me”. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them “I’m going to do the dishes, why don’t you go enjoy a bubble bath?” can give them the permission they won’t give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.
6. Hug them.
Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 20 seconds can release feel-good chemicals in the brain and elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people often don’t want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything further can give your partner a lift.
7. Laugh with them.
Telling a silly joke, watching a comedy or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage your partner to laugh in spite of themselves. Laughing releases endorphins and studies show can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.
8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.
Your partner may be feeling worthless, angry and even guilty while they are depressed. They may be afraid that they will end up alone because no one will put up with their episodes forever. Reassure them that you are in the relationship for the long haul and they won’t scare you away because they have an illness.
9. Challenge their destructive thoughts.
A depressed person’s mind can be a never-ending loop of painful, destructive thoughts. “I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, I’m ugly, I’m stupid”. Challenge these untruths with the truth. “You’re not unlovable, I love you. You aren’t a failure, here are all the things you’ve accomplished.”
10.Remind them why you love them.
Look at pictures of happy times you’ve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.
(via The Darling Bakers)
THE MAJOR PROBLEM OF THIS IS THAT NONE OF IT TAKES THE MENTAL HEALTH OF THE FRIEND, LOVER, SPOUSE, OR FAMILY MEMBER INTO ACCOUNT.
I don’t normally all-caps things, but I can’t stress this enough. I come from a family with an alcoholic/bipolar brother, a bipolar mother who tended towards long bouts of depression and a father who was a recovered alcoholic before I was born, but who continued to struggle with obsessive and depressive tendencies well into my own adulthood.
I love them so much. I would not be the man I am today without them and I owe the world to my family, who, in spite of all of our (and I do mean OUR) problems, has been able to stick it out and resolve a lot of our problems. I am happy to say that today, my brother has a bit more than 2 years of sobriety.
But this isn’t about him. This isn’t about them.
This about me, about you, the friend, the lover, the spouse or child.
You didn’t cause their mental illness. You cannot cure it. You are in no way responsible for its effects in their lives.
Those of us who have a familiarity with mental illness should understand that chemical imbalances and deep-seated emotional cycles can be extremely difficult to break out of, requiring often months of psychotherapy and/or closely monitored drugging to even reach a state of relative balance. To reach a place of being “cured” can take years of the same, or even be a lifelong battle.
So, of course, it is easy to not want to blame the person who suffers from depression. You shouldn’t.
But that battle isn’t yours, either. No amount of healthy meals, haranguing them to go outside, or cleaning up their messes is going to cure their depression. If they are unwilling to take steps to get healthy, by seeking therapy, by trying to change their habits, by taking their own illness into their own hands, nothing you can do can stop them and their “destructive thoughts”.
In short, if a depressive is unwilling to take steps to get healthy, you owe them nothing. If you don’t see this person that you love as responsible for their own life, you may very well begin to shoulder that responsibility, allowing them to go on hurting themselves and you, without facing the consequences of their actions or inactions.
Yes, people who suffer from mental illness cannot be held entirely responsible for their actions or inactions. But that doesn’t mean you have to take responsibility for it, either. Protect yourself. Love yourself.
The fact that you still love someone even during their darkest hours is not a testament to that person’s lovability, but to your own strength of heart.
But no matter how strong your heart is, you are mortal. You can only do what you can do, and it is likely that if you are coming from a household like mine, you have your own demons to fight before you fight anyone else’s. Never let yourself be taken for granted. Just because you can handle what someone else is feeling doesn’t mean it is your responsibility to listen to someone who has hurt you.
This person took meticulous time destroying EVERYTHING that was important to me; everything that I have worked very hard for all my life. He destroyed the plumbing and heating system in the building. He then completely destroyed all my medical equipment, ripping apart, breaking every glass object, bending, stabbing knives into or punching hammer holes into, and then methodically cutting and sticking knife holes into the faces of my friends and family, including pictures of my baby grandson. In my opinion, this is NOT the act of someone who was ‘high’ and didn’t know what he was doing, but rather someone who knew EXACTLY what he was doing.
Dr. Susan Cahill’s health clinic, All Families Health Care, was destroyed last week by Zachary Klundt, son of a board member for Hope Pregnancy Ministries, an anti-abortion organization.
Please donate to help Dr. Cahill repair the damage to her clinic and return to providing essential health care to Montana residents.
GO DONATE NOW(via margueritatoldtom)